Just Another Love Letter

My dear, or rather: dearest,

Maybe I don’t say it much, but you amaze me all the time. Maybe I don’t say it much, but you’re such a beautiful soul. Maybe I don’t say it much but you matter. Maybe I don’t say it much that I know you don’t believe that and I am here to make you believe. Maybe nobody says that. Maybe nobody ever says that much. Or enough. But you should know that. You should know you’re a wonderful journey to have in this world that stands for void at the end, and a person would be so lucky to look into your eyes and really know what their flickering and dancing mean, for once. Let me put it this way. My physics teacher told me that matter never gets destroyed or created, and just changes its form – you know it too, all teachers say that, but it changed my perspective towards life. Let me remind it to you as well. We all are matter, molecules. Each one of us, then, is a unique shuffle, a mix, a cocktail of molecules of Cleopatra, Caesar, Shakespeare, and so many others. We are stardust. We are light. We are everything we can imagine. So we all here to tell a different story – specifically made for each one of us – and nobody can tell our story better than we ourselves.

 You’re flawed, but your flaws are like stars; you are a constellation. And constellations are always pretty.

I know things have been hard. Harder. Hardest. People have consoled you, haven’t they? And you tried listening, you tried making sense out of it. But it just doesn’t. They rubbed your back and said it is okay, it is going to be okay and that you are so strong. ‘It’s okay only until it happens to you’, right? ‘Strong not anymore’, right? There are so many clichés to tell you that I can’t even make a choice between them. You know them all, don’t you? But you don’t believe in them. I want to tell you that they’re true – however old or new they are, it doesn’t matter. Everyday the sun sets to rise. So, your bad things are going to get better. Or best. Who knows? Maybe the bad will get worse and worst. Do not lose hope. Do not.

Hope is the essence of existence of human beings. Hope is the courage we have. Hope is the fire we can feel inside ourselves. Not love, hope.

Maybe don’t hope that tomorrow will be better. Hope that the next month is going to be better. People always say tomorrow is going to be better. Tomorrow is not meant by immediate tomorrow. Tomorrow is an indefinite window of time – as we know. You might argue with me that tomorrow never comes. Yep. It doesn’t. But know  that tomorrow means that a time, a vague time in the future and that, my dear is certain to come. Never ever let yourself by hoping of too big, or too soon. It is like a rule of life. If stuff happens to you, just hope that it will go away or you will bear it or you will become strong enough to fight it. Don’t hope that now, I want things to be okay right now.

You see, hope is all about realistic things. Hope is not promises that are made but aren’t kept.

Hope is not thoughts that tomorrow that person will realize his mistake of hurting you & come to you for forgiveness. Hope is not belief that tomorrow the same person you loved is going to beg you for love. Hope is not thinking about how you will never see the person ever again because life is freaking unpredictable and you never know what is going to happen. Hope that you will be strong enough to look them in the eye. Hope that you won’t cry over them as much as you do right now. Hope that you are going to find better, and even if it is not in others, it is in yourself. Love, they say, is the cure of all wounds. I have a thought that maybe love breaks more hearts than it joins. Just a thought. Do you feel the same? I know you do. It is difficult, I know. It is. Been there, done that, babe. But you see nobody is going to love your vulnerable and weak self. You are supposed to do it. Your messy hair, your crooked teeth. Promise yourself to love yourself without any conditions.

You don’t need anybody once you realize how much you’re worth, because only you can pay that worth, nobody else. Love yourself.

The mirror is nothing. It isn’t your true reflection. Know what you truly are. The mirror shows what the outside world sees you as. Find your fire. It matters. All you love. All that gives you inspiration. All that you jump and down for. Never let your ambitions go astray. Aim, walk, run, fall, jump, trip, stumble, get up, run again, reach, achieve. It matters. What you do with this life matters. Be a rebel. Dance in storms. Taste the rainbows. Chase unicorns. Believe in stuff even if nobody does. Go after what you truly love. Against everything, if it is right. If you know you are, then nobody can stop you. Nobody.

The only thing that can stop you from your dreams is you yourself.

Look behind. I know you are afraid. We all are. All of us have fears they don’t speak about. Fears don’t know about your dreams & strengths. You have been broken, you have laid on the floor all night, your pillow has been stained with tears and yet you have gotten up in the morning. You faced the world. You faced people. Day after day. All these years. All this time. Look how far you have come. You don’t believe and maybe you never would but yes, my dearest, you are strong. Very strong. You are worth all the love, and all the time. Find the right time with the right people. Hold on, you are not falling. You are rising. You are climbing. You are reaching. It is not the end. And it never will be.

Every end is the beginning of something else.

And yes, remember – if nobody else loves you, I do. Just be with me.
I love you.
I need you.

Yours truly,
Ash x


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