Hi! So I won’t say happy new year guys because that’s just too cliché. Instead I’ll begin my first post of the year.
The title of this post pretty much sums up what I am going to write in this. When I started to write this post, I was going to go all philosophical. But I thought maybe that’s wrong. I have struggled with my past just like anyone else and I still do. The difference? Well, I’m not as hostile to it as I was before. And trust me when I say that because I’ve passionately hated my past. It has given me reasons to.
The past is a place of learning and not living. 2017 greatly taught me this. See it this way – the past is a great huge wall and you want to cross it. You are pushing against it. Beating yourself against it. Punching it. You are bleeding. You’re doing all this when you’re not supposed to break the wall of past down. You’re supposed to climb over it. And that is way, way easier as you go higher the wall. The higher you go, the more you understand, the more you know your strengths, the more you see the future you. As you climb the wall, it becomes your guard, your defense. You see nobody can climb this wall like you can.
The past taught a lot of things to me. I have become stronger than before. I understand that whatever happens, happens for a reason which lies way down the line in life. Everything that is happening is somehow important for something else. Wounds that the past gives you, are scars of lessons for the future. The past is just a simple guy with misleading appearance. People have made it out to be so terrifying just like that muscular and dark and lean guy who’s actually a softie but still everyone fears him.
I learned to accept my past. It is easier than crying over it. Crying over the past is for the weak because crying is easier in the beginning and accepting is hard in the same. I accept what I was shamelessly. Who cares? It was me and what I am today matters. Every second passing creates an older me and a newer me. I’m growing. I’m learning. I’m becoming a strong person. I’m becoming me.
Sometimes I’m glad that I had a tough time to go through. I have understood things people understand too late in their lives. I know how to deal with myself. I know how to not turn into a mess everyday. I know how to smile in pain. I know how to react to hurtful comments. And I think it was important to know all this. Life is a wild game of survival and my past is my weapon.
Yes, there are some days when I actually want my limited happy days back, when nothing of this sort existed. I want to be a girl without any issues. I don’t want to be so mature. I want to be careless and reckless. I don’t want to carry this weight. It is natural. On days like that, I curse my past.
But at the end of the day, you have to extend your hand to shake the hand of the past. If not, you suffer throughout your life. When you fry once, the past feels a cocoon of strength. The past is a guy without much of ego in itself. It will teach you things nobody can or will. It will make you value time, people, emotions and experiences. It will turn you into a better human being than yesterday.
Stop beating your head against the wall. Be smarter than you were yesterday. That’s all I have to say.
Song of the day: Let You Go by Machine Gun Kelly
QOTD: Don’t you wish often to turn into a child once again and live freely?
Until next time,
I sign off.